You [Can't] Break me Down Anymore

I never asked for this.

I never sit down and thought it through.

I never weighed out the pros & the cons to this situation.

So don't ask me to.

I never prayed for this.

I never got down on my knees beside my bed.

I never called upon the Highest to ask him for a favor.

So don't expect me to.

I never tried for this.

I never moved a muscle or a tendon to try and achieve this advancement.

I never moved an arm or a leg in that very direction.

So don't try to get me to.

I never wanted this.

I never cried over it.

I never begged over it.

So don't ever get me to.

This is not something I ever wanted.

Or ever would want.

Or ever will want.

This is something I will fight until my dying day.

So don't you ever think that you have any power over me.

What was once broken has put itself back together.

Only this time, in a much stronger bond.

I hate to ruin your fun and games.

You can't break me down anymore.

The One Who Would Never Come...

She never invisioned it this way.
Never in a million years did she think it would play out this way.
Brushing her fingers through her dark locks and starring out the window at the pale moon,
She knew it would always be this way and had come to accept.
From one to the next, never having true satisfaction or respect.
As she gazes in the mirror at her dark eyes filled with sadness, she wonders what her father would think of her now?
Dark circles have begun to form and her complexion has drained to a porcelain white.
The nightmares have ended sleep and rest, she has been left alone with herself, her one true enemy.
She laces up her corset, tight enough to slow her breathing and pulls up her black fishnet hose.
She fastens the clips and slips on her crimson stilletos.
She walks to the dresser and picks up her favorite fragrance, lilac mixed with a hint of lemon. She dabs the sent on her neck and tries to cover up the smell of cigarettes and cheap thrills that seems to be embedded into her skin.
She adjusts her black dress that fits as tight as a glove over her curves.
Paints her lips and eyes.
Grabs her bag and walks out the door.
The cab driver gives her that look that every other person gives her, they know where she is going on a night like tonight.
She pays her fee and slams the door in the cab drivers disgusted stare.
She walks into the hotel lobby and tries to put a smile on her face as she heads for the elevator.
Floor 23. Room 315.
As she knocks, she mentally prepares herself for whats to come.
Just another man. Just another rough kiss. Just another strange hand upon her bare flesh.
Just another disgrace. Just another night.
Love was never an opinion in her world. She found black desire and meaningless sex to fill the void.
Her daddys voice rings in her head, all the fairytales he used to read her as a child.
"One day your prince will come", he always said.
As she cries herself to sleep thinking of the one who would never come to save her.

Forever

Give me a little while.
Give me a few days.
Maybe you should just give me a few months?
Give me enough time to sink down to your level.
Sink down to the level to which you reside upon.
Who are you to talk to me?
Who are you to look in my direction?
Who are you to even think of murmuring a 'hello'?
Don't think I can't remember all the pain.
No, it doesn't just go away.
It will always remain.
Like an old black & white picture show.
Placed on repeat for years to come.
Forgiveness only goes so far.
Sorry to say that there is none left for you.
The damage has been done my old friend.
What's left for you to do?
Nothing but sit back and enjoy the show.
For I am the opening act tonight.
Now watch me perform my biggest stunt yet.
Watch me disappear...
Forever.

Through the Looking Glass

There she goes again with her normal everyday rambling.
She hardly ever makes any sense.
She opens her mouth and the words fall out like a bomb dropping from Enola Gay.
Her words form sentences I don't care to listen to...
Seems the more I listen to her rant and rave the more bitter I feel.
The more I hear her speak of the world and it's unfair madness the more depressive I become.
It seems she doesn't really know how to keep quiet.
Her mouth flies open and everything comes out with no reguards.
She is quiet now as she begins to paint her face.
The only time she ever truly looks happy is when she is painting over all her imperfections.
Brush stroke by brush stroke she applies her mask.
Once she is done, she takes one final glance into the mirror and gives herself a half hearted smile.
The smile she gives so often every single day.
I watch her as she slides into her daily attire and adjusts the buttons.
Before walking out the door she turns around to glance at me.
There in the mirror we meet eye to eye...
Like every single day.
She doesn't say anything this time as she stares.
Turns around and leaves to face the world we both know is tearing her apart.

Brick by Boring Brick <3

She lives in the fairy tale Somewhere too far for us to find Forgotten the taste and smell Of the world that she's left behind It's all about the exposure the lens I told her The angles are all wrong now She's ripping wings off of butterflies Keep your feet on the ground When your head's in the clouds Well go get your shovel And we'll dig a deep hole To bury the castle, bury the castle Go get your shovel And we'll dig a deep hole To bury the castle, bury the castle Ba da ba ba da ba ba da So one day he found her crying Coiled up on the dirty ground Her prince finally came to save her And the rest you can figure out But it was a trick And the clock struck 12 Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick or the wolf's gonna blow it down Keep your feet on the ground When your head's in the clouds Well go get your shovel And we'll dig a deep hole To bury the castle, bury the castle Go get your shovel And we'll dig a deep hole To bury the castle, bury the castle Well you built up a world of magic Because your real life is tragic Yeah you built up a world of magic If it's not real You can't hold it in your hand You can't feel it with your heart And I won't believe it But if it's true You can see it with your eyes Or even in the dark And that's where I want to be, yeah Go get your shovel And we'll dig a deep hole To bury the castle, bury the castle Go get your shovel And we'll dig a deep hole To bury the castle, bury the castle Ba da ba ba da ba ba da...

Searching for Myself <3

I've been traveing this road for a day or so,
maybe even a year or two? Who knows?
Time seems to stand still after so long. Where have I gone?
It feels as if I have been driving for miles on this deserted hardtop.
Will I ever reach the destination or will I hit a dead end.
I've been trying to find her, I know she's out here somewhere!
She took off one day, told me she had had enough!
Packed all her things, headed out the door and was never to be heard from again.
Yet, here I am searching for her.
Sometimes I think I see her, she appears beside me, but only for a split second.
Sometimes I think I hear her voice, loud inside my mind, but only for an instant.
I know if I keep searching, in time, I will find her.
Until then I drive thing long and lonely deserted road searching for Myself.

it's the same routine...

it's the same routine every day...
wake up.
breathe.
think of him.
breathe.
miss his voice.
breathe.
pray for him.
try to dream.
close my eyes.
see his face.
try to survive.

it's the same thing,
every single day.
since he walked out the door.

this house was once full of love.
laughter.
passion.
adventure.
wonder.

no, now this house is filled with sadness.
memories.
regrets.
misery.
loneliness.

as i now lay here in the darkness of the night,
i see his face beside me.
those blue eyes that could always take my breath away.
i see his lips move in for a kiss.
i taste his sweetness.
i hear his whisper in my ear,
"i love you".

but as i open my eyes,
i see nothing but the darkness that now surrounds me.
engulfs my body and drags me under.
he is no longer here.

but i am.
i am here,
left alone.
to remember...
everything.

the alarm clock goes off...
it's the same routine every day...
wake up.
breathe.
think of him.
breathe.
miss his voice.
breathe.
pray for him.
try to dream.
close my eyes.
see his face.
try to survive.